Joke of the day – 1st Shvat, 5771

In a little seen item in the Jerusalem News, there was a major theft of a warehouse loaded with egg enriched dough. Unfortunately, this happened right before the upcoming Shabbat. This will force all of the bakeries to bake their Shabbat challahs with plain, white flour. Leading rabbis were quoted as saying that they are appalled by the rise in “white challah crimes.”

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Joke of the day – 29th Tevet, 5771

The rabbi in my son’s Talmud class at Yeshiva was always so engrossed in the text being studied that he never looked up. He would call on a student for translation and explanation, and, without realizing it, he often chose the same student day after day. Out of respect, the students would never point this out to him. After being called on four days in a row, a student named Goldberg asked advice from his friends. The next day when the rabbi said “Goldberg, translate and explain.” Goldberg replied, “Goldberg is absent today.” “All right,” said the rabbi. “You translate and explain.”

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Joke of the day – 27th Tevet, 5771

An elderly Jewish couple, heading to Hawaii for their vacation, got into an argument about the correct pronunciation of Hawaii. He was sure it was Havaii, but she maintains that it was Hawaii. As soon as they landed they asked the first person they saw, “Would you mind telling me the name of this island?” “Havaii!” the man replied. “Thanks”, answered the man. “You’re Velcome,” the man replied.

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Joke of the day – 24th Tevet, 5771

Three guys are about to be executed and are asked what they wish to have for their last meal. The Italian responds, Pepperoni Pizza, which he is served and then is executed. The Frenchmen requests a Filet Mignon, which he is served and then executed. The Jew requests a plate of strawberries. “STRAWBERRIES????” asks the executioner….”But they are out of season!” “So,” he responds, “I’ll wait . . .”

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Joke of the day – 23rd Tevet, 5771

Back in 1889, Sid and Leah’s bull took sick and died. Sid couldn’t leave the farm. So Leah was the one to go to the auction in town and buy a new one. If she was successful they would borrow their neighbor’s wagon and pick up their newly purchased bull. The bidding was furious at the livestock auction. Leah put a bid on the last bull, and finally she was the successful bidder. She only had ten cents left and the train home was fifty cents. She ran to send her husband a telegram, but each word cost ten cents. She thought a bit and then wrote: “COMFORTABLE.”

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