Not Too Quiet, Not Too Loud, And Nothing In The Middle
What happens if you tell someone Lashon Hara and swears him to secrecy? The Torah says (Devarim 27:24) you are cursed, “Arur Makeh Rei’aihu B’Seser” – cursed is he who smites his friend, secretly. So much for low key.
What about if you say it in front of him, is that better? True, the curse does not apply, however in that case aside from the fact that you’ve told Lashon Hara, you are also treading on arrogance and audacity. You are also creating friction among people. Lastly, you may also lose your Olam Haba if you make him turn white of embarrassment.
Half quietly, half in front of him? I doubt it. There is no way around this, give it up!
“Zachor Eis Asher Asa Hashem L’Miriam BaDerech B’Tzaischem MiMitzrayim”
The Ramban and other Rishonim count, among the Mitzvos Aseh Min HaTorah, the mitzva of remembering and saying with your mouth each day what Hashem did to Miriam when she spoke about her brother Moshe. The Chofetz Chaim in Shaar Tvunah Perek 12 says that being Mikayem this mitzva can save you from the aveira of Lashon Hara. More than just saying the pasuk, says the Chofetz Chaim, one must think about the incident in order for it to have its intended effect.
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Listen to RevachL’Neshama’s Shemiras HaLashon Yomi in their audio section. Two halachos a day according to the Luach. http://revach.net/audioarchives.php