Joke of the day

 
Or le Yom Bet, 15th Adar, 5770, Shushan Purim

Breslev Israel

The captain of a U.S. battleship is standing on the bridge. When he sees a light out on the water, he asks the lookout if they are on a collision course. The look out says, “Aye, aye, sir.” The captain calls the signalman. “Signal that ship to change course by twenty degrees.” The answer comes back: “I advise you to change your course by twenty degrees.” The captain is upset signals them: “I am a U.S. Navy Captain; change your course by twenty degrees.” The answer comes back: “I am an ensign U.S. Navy. I strongly urge you to change course by twenty degrees.” The captain is furious. Signal that ship: “We are a battleship and they better change course by twenty degrees.” The answer comes back: “I am a lighthouse. You better change your course by twenty degrees.”

From: Breslev.co.il

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Limud yomi

 
Or le Yom Bet, 15th Adar, 5770, Shushan Purim

jud_limud
Courtesy of gicleegallery.us

  • Daf yomi: Sanhedrin 17
  • Yerushalmi yomi: Berachot 48
  • Mishna yomit: Mikvaot 9:7
  • Halacha yomit: Orach Chaim 433:4
  • Tanach yomi: Yishayahu Seder 24
  • Shabbat Parshiot: Ki Tisa
  • Torah reading: Exodus 30:11-34:35*
  • Haftara: I Kings 18.1-39*
  • Haftara: Sephardi ritual: I Kings 18.20-39*

*Source: AZAMRA

From: Kaluach – Hebrew/civil calendars

Free Download: Kaluach3 is the latest version of Kaluach Hebrew/civil calendars, specially designed for 2000/XP/Vista.

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Joke of the day

 
14th Adar, 5770

Breslev Israel

Little Moishe has $100 and he is quite worried that he may lose it. He asks his friend, Yankel. “Yankel, Yankel, what shall I do? I’m worried that I might lose this $100!” Yankel replies: “Don’t worry. Put it into a Hungarian bank.” Moishe continues: “Yes, yes, but what will happen to the $100 if the bank goes bankrupt?” Yankel replies: “Don’t worry. The bank is insured by the Hungarian National Bank.” Moishe replies: “But what will happen to the $100 if the Hungarian National Bank goes bankrupt?” Yankel replies: “That shouldn’t worry you either. It is insured by the Russian government and the Russian National Bank.” Moishe is still impatient. “But what will happen if the Russian government and the bank go bankrupt?” Yankel replies: “So what? Isn’t that worth $100?”

From: Breslev.co.il

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